Nobody Needs Judgment. But Everybody Needs Clarity.

I’m not writing what I’d planned to write today. It’s almost as though I’ve been stopped in my tracks and instructed to cover something else instead. Last week’s blog, Lust for Sex as Anti-Stewardship, is currently the third highest viewed page on my website this calendar year and despite the post’s low engagement via social media it’s clearly gotten people’s attention (at least vis-à-vis my previous blog posts this year).

It’s important, I feel, on the back of such a hard-hitting and morally-focused piece to make it absolutely clear that I do not see it as my role to be anyone else’s judge. While much of what I cover has a moral dimension to it (and necessarily so in clarifying a pathway to sustainable success), I am, of course, invariably subject to the same moral laws and principles as anyone else.

I haven’t received any comments or complaints from anyone indicating that they feel that what I’ve written has been judgmental. (Those I mentor often remark how much they appreciate the fact that they don’t feel judged when working with me, wherever they’re coming from and wherever they want to be.) Nevertheless, I know all too well the negative feelings that tend to accompany moral missteps and how perceived judgments from others can alienate a person from those who may be able to help them.

As a younger man, I remember speaking very candidly with my mentor who I trusted implicitly. He would patiently clarify the likely outcomes of my choices if I decided to walk a particular path. He always made it clear to me that regardless of which path I chose to take, it would not affect our relationship – hence my trust in him and his impact on my life. At some point, each one of us needs nonjudgmental clarification in deciding which path to pursue.

Enter the Clarifier

The simple fact is that in so many aspects of life, what we want isn’t what we need. And, perhaps more to the point, going after what we want (especially in the heat of the moment) can severely jeopardise our efforts to obtain what we need. Intellectually, that might sound simple enough, but in a world full of distractions, temptations and challenges, making decisions in favour of our holistic long-term needs instead of our immediate desires isn’t simply a matter of intellect.

Whilst it's true that the intellect plays an important role in self-governance, it isn’t the be all and end all. The intellect can be overridden by impulses and passions, making it crucial to develop new habits (and perhaps break some old ones, too) and create an environment conducive to the pursuit of success that’s sustainable. My role as a mentor, like that of my own mentor, is to clarify.

Necessity of Opposition

It would be easy enough for me spend my time and energy churning out bumper stickers to post on social media, focusing only on the positive themes of my work. But that would do a disservice to those I’ve been called to serve. It would fall short of clarifying the nature of the choice between Stewardship and its diametric opposite Anti-Stewardship. For people to make informed choices they need to be clear about what they’re choosing between and the likely outcomes of each choice.

The mindsets of Stewardship and Anti-Stewardship lead to very different outcomes in relation to individuals, families, teams, organisations and even entire societies, yet without clarification of what their implications might be in various different circumstances, it’s all too easy to take a wrong turn. We need clarity on what we’re choosing to reject if we’re to make a meaningful decision about what to espouse.

Sometimes that clarity comes through trial and error, making mistakes and facing consequences along the way. Sometimes it comes through observing others’ errors and learning from them. And sometimes it comes through the principle-centred guidance of others who are a little further down the road.

Light and Darkness

One thing is for certain: there is light and darkness within each of us. I would be highly suspicious of anyone who presented themselves as pure light, especially without a compelling story of how they became such! As Carl Jung put it in Aion: Researches into the Phenomenology of the Self,

“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”

My mentor was authentic and candid when working with me – it was clear to me that although he was an admirable character and impactful mentor, his roots reached down to his own hell. And that’s what made him so impactful.

I also have roots that reach down to my hell, which are significant in qualifying me as a mentor – more so than any book I’ve read or course I’ve attended.

So, as I continue to write about things relating to both Stewardship and Anti-Stewardship, know that it isn’t my purpose to judge – just to clarify.

If you would like to learn how to create a life of purpose, meaning and fulfilment for your unique pursuit of sustainable success through the Stewardship Mindset then drop me a line: tom@3stewardships.com.