How My Mother’s Care Saved Me (in at least two ways).

I’m going to tell the story of how my mum saved me from a dangerous situation when I was three years old. It’s an odd one, but it’s worthy of some reflection nonetheless.

When I was three, my family lived in a mid-terraced house next door to a young couple. The man, Paul, was charismatic and, for want of a better way of putting it, ‘cool’. Although my memories are patchy (for obvious reasons), I recall him paying attention to me and consistently making deliberate effort to engage with me. He was fun. And I liked him. 

One morning when my mum was preoccupied with taking care of my then baby sister, Paul invited me into his house to watch a film when I was playing in the backyard. I was game, so I went round. He didn’t inform my mum, much less ask her permission. She had no idea that I was gone.

The film turned out to be one of the Mad Max movies (either the second or third one). Anyone who has seen those movies will know that they definitely aren’t suitable for a three year old; but for some bizarre reason this man had me sat in his house watching one of them with him alone.

My mum later recalled the feeling of terror she had when she realised that I was gone and had no idea where I was. She was facing every parent’s worst nightmare and distinctly felt like I was in serious danger. She quickly enlisted the support of a couple of neighbours to search for me. They raced around the back lane searching and knocked on the doors of other neighbours.

My mum knew that Paul was at home, so she knocked on his door. No answer. She knocked again. Again, no answer. I could hear her knocking from inside the house, but Paul wasn’t answering the door. Weird. My mum’s impression that I was in the house was so strong that she battered the door. By the time Paul answered the door, she was ready to break the glass.

When the door was finally answered, I saw her there, a panic-stricken but relieved parent who was glad to have found her missing child. She berated Paul for having me into his home without even informing her.

Needless to say, I didn’t see any more of Paul beyond that point. His wife divorced him not too long after that incident citing strange behaviour on his part and they moved out of the house in short order.

I will never know exactly what Paul’s ultimate intention was with me, but the passage of time shed some light on the influence he had on others.

Malevolence Revealed

In 1999 (about 12 years after the incident with Paul) a boy in the year below me at school was stabbed 18 times by two of his so-called friends, wrapped in a bin bag and left for dead in a nature spot in North Yorkshire. Fortunately, he was discovered 40 hours later by a man walking his dogs and survived the attack. The victim had a collapsed lung, fractured rib and hypothermia. He told how one of his attackers only stopped stabbing him in the head when he pretended to be dead, missing the largest blood vessel in the brain by a millimetre. As a result of his head injuries, the victim suffered from paralysis on his left side.

The headline in the Guardian newspaper’s coverage of the crime was, Six years for boys who stabbed friend after watching horror film. The press made a big deal about the influence that the movie Scream had on the attackers. But that wasn’t the only relevant influence behind the boys’ malevolent attack. They had a mentor of sorts: Paul.

The Guardian reported the judge’s view that the attackers’ behavioural difficulties had “enabled convicted Harrogate drug dealer, Paul Aurens, to exercise undue influence over them.” Paul had had the boys into his home where he’d shown them Scream and exposed them to drugs, knives and black magic.

One of the attackers who admitted the charges against him blamed, “the wicked influence of that evil man.” His lawyer said that Paul had given the attacker drugs and, through exposure to black magic, “had convinced him that the gods wanted [the victim] to die.”

In a statement made after the trial, the victim’s parents said, “No words can describe the anger and disgust that we feel not only for the two boys responsible but also the evil influence by others.”

That evil influence had come from Paul.

There is no “beyond” good and evil

Through further research that I did on Paul, I found that he had a habit of predatory behaviour towards young, vulnerable boys, enticing them to spend time with him in his den, which was said to feature drugs, knives and satanic material. One boy who Paul befriended was said to have committed suicide.

As I reflect on my vulnerability in Paul’s house as a three year old boy, I’m incredibly grateful to my mum. Not only did she save me from that particular situation, but she also saved me from falling prey to predators like Paul later in life through teaching me principle-centred values.

My mum’s care for me stands as an exceptional example of Stewardship – a mother’s love has no parallel in that regard! She recognised the need to be proactive in teaching me right from wrong, good from evil, not leaving my upbringing to chance based on who or what I happened to be exposed to. Empty vessels will be filled. Filled with what, though?

It can be tempting in today’s world to sidestep considerations of good and bad influences; ‘anything goes’ sometimes seems more fashionable as an approach. But it’s a dangerous and, one might argue, negligent approach to take: firstly, due to our susceptibility to the influence of others in view of the plasticity of our brains; and secondly because there are influences that most reasonable people can agree on as being good and bad – not least in view of the outcomes that they lead to.

In my work as a mentor, I feel that I have picked up the baton in teaching principle-centred values, particularly Stewardship, to others. Not only do these principles guard against malign influences, but when applied they can also empower us to create lives of purpose, meaning and fulfilment in the pursuit of success that’s both meaningful and lasting. And what isn’t good about that?

If you would like to learn how to create a life of purpose, meaning and fulfilment for your own pursuit of sustainable success then drop me a line: tom@3stewardships.com.