TOM’S STORY

You may have taken me for a typical student at the time. Besides assignments and a part-time job, my time was my own. And I spent that time on entertainment and pleasure-seeking. Before university life, I successfully completed a voluntary two-year mission in Madagascar with the church I belong to, but as the years passed I became disconnected from my values. I’d allowed distractions, temptations and the social mirror to crowd-out my inner voice. I was a single man with no one to care for but myself. I’d sleepwalked my way into hedonism.

Waking Up

I distinctly remember one Saturday night, lying on my bed all alone. It was rare for me to be alone on a Saturday night, but there I was – alone in my room with only my thoughts and the deafening silence of loneliness for company. It was in that silence that I came to the stark realisation of how alone I really was – not only in that situation, but within the rest of my life at that time.

I felt like I was trapped, suffocating, but not knowing the way out or how to get air. Hedonism had taken me to emptiness and purposelessness, and my life seemed worthless. I felt little desire to be alive. It was one of the darkest moments of my life.

I was desperate to reconnect with my best, true self, my values and to live a life of purpose and meaning. I wanted to feel alive again. I wanted to build strong relationships of trust with others. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I wanted to be married, but felt like I was a million miles away from reaching that goal. I was stuck.

I knew that I needed to make changes and that I needed guidance along the way. I couldn’t do it alone. Although I knew who to get that guidance from, I felt awkward and even embarrassed about making the call. I had no idea what to expect.

While doing some personal study one Sunday afternoon, I had an unmistakable prompting to make the call.

Doing the Work

As I made the call my apprehension was replaced by a reassurance that I was regaining control of my life. I felt an inner satisfaction that I was doing the right thing. Making the call was an important first step on my journey.

When I arrived for the first session I still had no idea what to expect. It soon became clear, however. The discussion was heavily focused on values: my values and the values I needed to live by in order to change and achieve my goals. I was shown love in that first session and didn’t feel judged at all. By the end of it I felt real hope that I could change and live a better life. It was a transformational experience.

Between sessions, I was given work to do in order to become a much better version of myself. The work wasn’t easy; I needed to change my habits and behaviour. The mentoring supported me in making those changes.

I also needed to change the influences that I allowed to enter my life, including friends, TV, music and other inputs. I started to spend more time with friends who were supportive of me in making the changes that I wanted to make and less time with those who weren’t. I found inputs that aligned with my values, discarding those that distracted me from them.

Stony Road

The sessions themselves weren’t easy. In the early sessions it sometimes felt like a mirror was being held up to who I was, and the reflection wasn’t always pretty.

I distinctly remember the question, “Who do you love, Tom?” I was confident that I could give a rock solid answer. “My mum…” was my immediate, almost unthinking, reply with an incredulous tone. Who doesn’t love their mother, I thought? As we discussed what love means in practice, rather than as an abstract concept, however, I realised that my answer wasn’t as rock solid as I wanted it to be. I had work to do.

There were also some rocky moments in a relationship that began soon after I started my mentoring journey. Sometimes it felt like we were fighting all the time. The walls of false identity that had been built with the intention to protect from disappointment and pain had to be broken down to enable a relationship of love and trust to develop and flourish.

But in spite of my limitations and shortcomings, I always felt supported within each mentoring session, never judged. The love that was shown to me in those sessions invited me to be more loving to others. It was a light that guided my path. The mentoring gave me encouragement, hope and a way forward.

Worth it in the End

“It will be worth it in the end.” That was the promise that my mentor made to me as I did the work and experienced the pain of change. He repeated that promise more than once, giving me the necessary hope to continue my journey at the toughest points. And it was a promise that was fulfilled.

I still remember the feeling I had one date night, sat in a restaurant, when I knew in my heart and mind that the girl I was dating would be my wife. “Yes!!!” I was elated. Through pain and tears and change, we’d broken down the walls we’d built to protect ourselves and replaced them with love and trust. It was an incredible moment of realisation that stood in stark contrast to that lonely Saturday night that marked the crisis point at beginning of my journey.

The mentoring had empowered me to reconnect with my inner self, my best self, my values and to connect with others through love and trust. It had empowered me to achieve the success that I was seeking.

More than my Due

I will always be grateful to my mentor for his invaluable guidance. It transformed my life. Years later, I still remember his words and wisdom in guiding me to my goals.

My wife and I have been happily married for nearly ten years now. Without the mentoring, it may never have happened. We don’t take our marriage for granted, it still requires work, but it’s built on a solid foundation of love, trust and shared values.

The mentoring benefitted me beyond marriage. It touched each and every aspect of my life. The values and principles that I adopted empowered me to be effective in the boardroom, in my day job and, ultimately, in finding my own path and purpose as a mentor.

I smile when I think back to my initial hesitation in making the call to start my mentoring journey. If I’d known then what I know now there would have been no hesitation at all. Making that call has been one of the best decisions of my life.

If you’re striving for Sustainable Success – success that is deeper, more lasting, more meaningful and more aligned with who you truly are – then get in touch today.