Finding Meaning in Suffering.
At the time of writing this, it’s been exactly one year and one day since I last met with a customer in an in-person meeting. Since then the world has been turned upside down and a significant amount of pain has been felt across the world at both individual and collective levels.
The dominant question that occupies the minds of so many is, why? Why is pain and suffering to be such an inherent part of life?
These are questions that have been considered by people for as long as humanity itself. I received many of my own answers to them at a deeply spiritual level in 2019, the year before covid-19 came into full force. In fact, if I were to give 2019 a name in view of my spiritual learning therein, I might well call it the year of the cross.
The Year of the Cross
Between Christmas and the beginning of 2019, I’d awoken in the middle of the night in discomfort with gallstones and upon awakening had had the stewardship-oriented self-leadership framework that I was to use in my mentoring program revealed to me. As powerful as that experience was the gallbladder had to go, so I was booked in to have it removed in the April.
Notwithstanding the simplicity of the surgery, my wife insisted that I have a friend give me a blessing before the big day. I received the blessing a few nights before surgery, my friend laying his hands on my head and speaking words of counsel that he felt guided and inspired to say. One particular thing in the blessing struck me above all others: he said that the example of Christ carrying his own cross was given for me. He said no more than that on the matter within the blessing itself and immediately after the blessing had no recollection of having said anything about it whatsoever. It was a curious experience which was the first breadcrumb along a trail of learning.
The next breadcrumb came on the day of surgery, as I waited the call to go into the operating theatre. Thinking back to the blessing I’d received a few days earlier, I felt prompted to read the account of Christ’s carrying of the cross and crucifixion in the New Testament (John chapter 19). That in itself was a powerful experience, as Christ’s resounding love for his mother while in extremis stood out starkly to me; a paragon of selflessness. While walking to the surgery room I felt a sense of pre-op jitters at which point the word “Golgotha” (the place of Christ’s crucifixion) was immediately illuminated in my mind, giving me a deep, all-encompassing peace.
“We love him, because he first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19
The next breadcrumb along the trail came the week after surgery. I’d just had a haircut and had planned on heading straight home afterwards. I had an irrepressible prompting to go to Salts Mill, which sells painting and drawing materials as well as art books. When I entered the building I was guided to an art book that included the work of Flemish Renaissance painter Pieter Bruegel. Upon opening the book I happened to land on a page that showed Bruegel’s depiction of Christ carrying the cross, which struck me as a profound confirmation of this deeply spiritual learning experience. This wasn’t the last experience I was to have relating to Christ and the cross but rather a tying-up of an initial stage of learning; there was more to come.
The Example of Christ’s Suffering
In the summer, I returned to yoga. I’ve found yoga to be a valuable practice in improving alignment between body, mind, heart and spirit. I also like the way in which it challenges me to move my body in new, more expansive ways. I was practicing yin and yang yoga, which has some interesting positions. One which was particularly challenging for me at the time was the lizard (also known as dragon). I would put myself into some discomfort to get into and hold this position; for me, it was a matter of endurance. I had two interesting experiences while enduring the lizard on two consecutive weeks.
The first experience was stimulated by my consciousness of someone close to me who was suffering from poor physical health, which seemed to owe a lot to childhood trauma. I was reflecting on how much damage parents can do to their children without ever intending to do so (perhaps as a result of their own unresolved childhood trauma). With this in my consciousness while enduring the lizard, Christ’s words while on the cross came clearly to my mind, “Father forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) This was a powerful reminder to me that even those who purposefully cause us harm lack full awareness of what it is that they’re doing; it is for us to find forgiveness in order to heal.
The second experience while in the lizard pose the following week taught me the true meaning of suffering: “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani,” meaning, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46) Christ’s agonised words while on the cross were brought clearly to my mind, reminding me that even he felt forsaken, alone and overwhelmed in his hour of need. It struck me that this was an entirely necessary part of his path. He had to truly know suffering for himself through experiencing it at its greatest depths in order to relieve it in others. Christ’s experiences on the cross can be a pattern for each of us in finding meaning through our own suffering.
My experiences with Christ and the cross in 2019 taught me that there is much that can be learned through suffering – it needn’t be meaningless. It’s life’s way of giving us the program of learning that is unique to us, our needs and our discovery and, ultimately, fulfilment of our path and purpose in life. Our challenges and suffering can represent the breadcrumbs along the way towards our purpose, though sometimes we can only recognise the true value of these things in retrospect through earnest, honest reflection.
“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.” – Carl Jung
Breadcrumbs Along the Path to Purpose
As I reflect on some of the darkest moments and toughest challenges within my own life, I’m amazed at how essential they’ve been to my learning, growth and development. It’s as though they’re an integral part of my unique program of learning.
A few of the core modules within my program of learning include an existential crisis, a failed startup, a faith crisis, loved ones with serious illness, and a tortuous journey along my own path to good physical health. To a greater or lesser extent, each of these learning modules felt like hell at the time; but I can now look back on each one knowing exactly why they were so essential to my learning, growth and continuous transformation.
“A new philosophy, a new way of life, is not given for nothing. It has to be paid dearly for and only acquired with much patience and great effort.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky
It Takes Faith
In the midst of suffering, despair beckons. Once despair sets in, giving up might seem like a good option. When his world fell apart at the seams, Job’s wife told him to “curse God, and die”. In other words, just give up. But Job persevered, suffering further, and according to the biblical narrative was given “twice as much as he had before”, being more blessed at the end of his life than at the beginning, transforming himself in the process.
It takes faith to realise the true value of our challenges and suffering. Faith is a hope for things which are not seen, which are true. Having faith that our challenges and suffering are part of a bigger plan for us, part of our path and purpose can help us to endure and, ultimately, thrive. Our suffering can be used to refine us as gold.
Heeding the Call
It’s tempting to romanticise the heeding of a call to find and fulfil one’s purpose. In reality, that call may come in the form of tremendous pain and suffering. Joseph Campbell understood this well, appreciating the need for each individual to carry their own cross, ultimately, for the benefit of all. Again, I quote my favourite passage from his book, The Hero With a Thousand Faces:
“It is not society that is to guide and save the creative hero, but precisely the reverse. And so every one of us shares the supreme ordeal–carries the cross of the redeemer–not in the bright moments of his tribe’s great victories, but in the silences of his personal despair.”
If you are suffering now, know that your darkest dawns can yet become your brightest days. Don’t despair. And never give up. Keep hope, have faith and go well. Onwards.
If you would like to learn more or arrange a free 30-minute call then drop me a line: tom@3stewardships.com.