The Hedonism Trap: From Pleasure to Despair to Where?

In March I was all set to give my TEDx Talk, Escaping the Hedonism Trap, in Boston, MA the following month. The effects of covid-19 and the ensuing lockdowns, however, mean that it’ll have to wait until things return to a closer semblance of normality. Of course, I was disappointed with the delay – I’m excited to share my message – but perhaps a message about the pitfalls of hedonism isn’t as salient in the middle of a global pandemic.

After all, how hedonistic can a person be at times like these?

Pleasure as an end in itself

A friend of mine who recently read my story of escaping the hedonism trap told me that he didn’t take me for a recovering hedonist. What did he expect a hedonist to look like, though? It may be tempting to look for an overt sign, such as glow sticks or a penchant for all-night raves, but examples of hedonism can be far more inconspicuous, subtle and nuanced than that. As David O. McKay once put it, 

“The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul.”

Philosophers have written about hedonism and the pursuit of the good life for millennia; Epicurus was one of its first advocates in ancient Greece. Despite the philosophical and historical baggage around the term, however, hedonism can be as simple as pursuing pleasure as an end in itself. Seen in that light, hedonistic behaviour can come in as many shapes and sizes as there are people on the planet! There are no shortage of options, lockdown or not.

What of the hedonism trap, then? What could be so bad about the pursuit of pleasure?

From pleasure to despair

I still clearly remember being alone one Saturday night as a student. It was a very rare occurrence, which I was adroit at avoiding. But there I was, lying on my bed in an empty house in deafening silence. In that moment, I came face-to-face with my soul. And it wasn’t pretty. I really didn’t like the person I’d become. I’d sleepwalked my way into the hedonism trap, pursuing pleasure as an end in itself towards a dead-end.

Reflecting on this experience makes me think of Pinocchio who started turning into a donkey on Pleasure Island. Pleasure Island itself, with all its temptations, was an enslaving trap. I felt similarly trapped.

I never intended to allow pleasure to guide my way, but I’d unconsciously allowed distractions, temptations and challenges to usurp my choices. What I really wanted in life was either forgotten or obscure. Hedonism had led me to nihilism, a sense of nothingness, purposelessness and even despair.

Epictetus’s critique of Epicurean hedonism alluded to its inevitable path to nihilism in his Discourses (second century A.D.), while Epicurus himself (341 – 271 B.C.) had already written the following caveat on the pursuit of pleasure:

“No pleasure is bad in itself. But the things that make for pleasure in certain cases entail disturbances many times greater than the pleasures themselves.”

As I experienced some of those disturbances alone on that Saturday night, it was one of the darkest moments of my life.

Face-to-face with our own souls

Carl Jung wrote that,

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls.” 

I’d avoided facing my own soul for a while before it caught up with me on that lonely Saturday night. It was inevitable that it would eventually catch up with me, though, and the reckoning was tough but revealing.

I can’t help wondering how many more there must be who, like I did, actively avoid facing their own souls.

I also can’t help wondering how many might be reckoning with their souls during lockdown in the midst of covid-19.

The truth is that anyone can sleepwalk their way into the hedonism trap, pursuing pleasure as an end in itself. This predicament isn’t exclusive to “bad people”.

The world is full of distractions, temptations and challenges. Life’s hard. And in the thick of it anyone can become disconnected from their core values and purpose.

Thankfully, however, anyone can also change their course, escape the hedonism trap and reconnect with their core values and purpose.

“Not all that tempts your wand’ring eyes

And heedless hearts, is lawful prize;

Nor all that glisters, gold.”

– Thomas Gray

Escape the trap

Before you can escape the trap, you first have to know you’re in the trap. Know thyself, as the ancient aphorism implores. Self-awareness is essential to personal transformation, which is why my lonely Saturday night was so valuable to my progress.

For me, escaping the trap was a transformational experience.

Through the experience, I learned that pleasure is antithetical to meaning. Pleasure is temporary, fleeting and, if it’s your primary focus, then it can leave you feeling hollow and empty.

Purpose, meaning and fulfilment in life come from contribution – giving value to others through service.

If you feel like you’re in the hedonism trap, to a greater or lesser extent, know that there’s hope – you can escape the trap and live a life of purpose, meaning and fulfilment instead!

My experience of being in the trap and escaping through the guidance of a wise and caring mentor left an indelible impression on me, which inspired me to create my own mentoring programme.

If you’re stuck in the trap, the joy and rewards that await you outside of it are simply too good to ignore or pass up. And they’re within your grasp. I speak from experience!

Not a day goes by in which I don’t feel gratitude for the blessings that I now enjoy in my life beyond the hedonism trap.

Whereas I was initially disappointed that covid-19 delayed my TEDx Talk, lockdown has been a blessing for me, not a curse.

If you feel like you’re in the hedonism trap, my question to you is this: What are you going to do about it?

You, too, can escape the trap.