The Transformational Power of Resentment

One of the toughest tests of character I faced as a young man was adapting to life in Madagascar at the age of 19. One of the most difficult parts of that adaptation was learning to speak the language, Malagasy, which bore no resemblance to English or any of the Romance languages whatsoever. Madagascar is a former French colony, though, so I could get by to some extent with my schoolboy French. But to really connect with people, mind-to-mind and heart-to-heart, I had to speak Malagasy.

While dealing with homesickness, fleabites (fleas love new blood!), the frequent sight of abject poverty that I could do little to relieve, I struggled to learn the language and adapt to life in Madagascar.

For me, one of the worst parts of the adaptation process was being laughed at for my poor language skills. The mockery was relentless! It was insult on top of injury. Day-in, day-out, I was being told how poorly I spoke while being laughed to scorn. It didn’t help that the guy I was working with at the time was the best Malagasy speaker in our group! I was constantly reminded of my inadequacy. And I became quite resentful of it.

One night I became so resentful that I found myself at crossroads. I had a big decision to make: jack it all in, say to hell with those who mocked me and go home; or, accept that the mockery would be part of my life in Madagascar until I improved my language skills, using it as a driving force towards improvement.

Whichever decision I made would have significant ramifications on my character and my future. Its gravity wasn’t lost on me.

Following some introspection, I made a big decision. I decided that not only would I stick it out and improve my Malagasy skills, but that I would become so good that every single one of those who had mocked me would compliment me on my speaking skills before I left the area I was working in. I would get there through the belief that I could never be good enough and the desire to prove the scoffers wrong.

The decision, stimulated by resentment, was transformational. I carried a notebook and pen with me everywhere. Every single time I heard a word that I didn’t know I wrote it down, learned it and added it to my vocabulary. Every single word. I learned words as obscure as mirakaraka, which means disorderly (specifically in relation to one’s hair), and everything either side of it. I was obsessed with learning that language.

I became so good at it that there came a point at which Malagasy people were asking me what various words meant within the books they were reading. And, yes, every single person who mocked me in my first area complimented me on my language skills before I moved to another area. Many were amazed at my transformation.

I didn’t stop there, though. I maintained the momentum throughout the remainder of my time in Madagascar, retaining the mindset that I could never be good enough at speaking the language, knowing that there was always more to learn! My ability in Malagasy led to me being given leadership and mentoring responsibilities to help others to adapt to life in Madagascar and learn the Malagasy language.

Some said I was the best Malagasy speaker in the history of the mission. Of course, that could never be proven, though I was flattered to be thought of in such high regard.

Learning and speaking Malagasy turned into a labour of love. I learned new words until the day I left the island. But the stark truth is that it didn’t start with love; it started with resentment. More specifically, it started with what I decided to do with that resentment.

Choose Your Trajectory

Imagine if I’d instead let my initial resentment at being mocked fester inside me. Imagine if I’d instead decided to quit and go home within that state of resentment, failing to forgive the mockery. How, then, would I have learned to make feelings of resentment work for me rather than against me? Who, then, would I have become?

I certainly would have missed out on significant personal growth, life-changing experiences and enriching relationships, but resentment that festers and remains can have a more lasting impact on a person.

Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche in On the Genealogy of Morals writes of “the strong, magnificent individuals who possess a superabundance of power which is agile, yielding, but which also heals injuries and allows one to forget…” He goes on to write that “it is only in characters such as these that we see the possibility (supposing, of course, that there is such a possibility in the world) of real ‘love of one’s enemies’.”

In contrast, Nietzsche also writes of “the man of resentment” who conceives “‘the evil enemy’, the ‘Evil One’,” which is “the inspiration from which he now concocts, as a counterpart, the ‘Good One’, himself – his very self!” Nietzsche’s man of resentment is vengeful and uses his creativity to that end.

There is much that I don’t agree with Nietzsche on, particularly in relation to his ideas of master morality and slave morality (to which the above refers). But it is clear that when we fail to forgive, holding on to resentment, we become weaker, lesser creatures and fail to progress towards our true potential. To the man of resentment it is his enemies who are wrong, not him – he's fine as he is!

Forgiveness requires courage and strength. Choosing to use our feelings of resentment as fuel to improve ourselves rather than confess the sins of others or constantly bemoan the vicissitudes of life, of which there are many, will empower us to both forgive and progress. When we focus on improving ourselves, we can transcend resentment.

It doesn’t have to remain and fester within us, leading to a life of bitterness, misery and perhaps even vengeance. If used wisely, resentment can be burned away, like fuel, in the drive to move forward.

One way or the other, resentment can be transformational.

How will you use yours?