Self-Care: Fulfilling Our First Stewardship.

“Before you heal someone, ask him if he’s willing to give up the things that made him sick.” – Hippocrates

A few years ago, I was confronted with an inconvenient and thoroughly undesirable truth: I could no longer eat whatever I wanted without feeling unwell. I didn’t meet this newfound truth with acceptance, however. It was too undesirable to accept straightaway. I thought it ridiculous that eating things like eggs and dairy could significantly impact my well-being. And if it did then surely there was a medical solution that could easily fix the problem. I was in denial.

I didn’t want to be fettered by dietary restrictions that excluded foods I loved; I wanted to be free to eat whatever, whenever. But as I clung on to the freedom to eat whatever, whenever, I lost my freedom to feel well, which meant losing the freedom to be my best self and make my best contributions.

For a time I continued eating whatever I wanted, regardless of my new reality, and I continued feeling unwell as a consequence. Breakthrough, and acceptance, came when I decided to at least try cutting out certain foods from my diet. As I experimented with a new diet that had been tailored to my new reality, I gathered evidence on what life would be like without the offending foods. The evidence was emphatic: changing my diet would change my life. Since I committed to making the change, its effects have been all-encompassing, improving all aspects of my well-being: body, mind, heart and spirit.

I recently had dinner with someone who complimented my discipline in avoiding certain foods. The discipline was easy when I both understood and accepted that my well-being depended on giving up the things that made me unwell. There was no panacea or easy answer to negate the need for self-care in improving my wellness.

“People cannot see at the beginning of the adaptive process that the new situation will be any better than the current condition. What they do see clearly is the potential for loss.” – Ronald Heifetz and Marty Linsky (Leadership on the Line)

Panaceas: Elusive and Illusory

My dietary experience resonated with a previous experience I had as a young man living in Madagascar. As a 19 year-old who had been raised in an affluent English town, adapting to life in a third world country thousands of miles from home was a challenging experience. Early on in this experience, while struggling to adapt, I sought medical advice. The doctor told me I was depressed and gave me some pills to take. As I read the leaflet inside the bottle, I was alarmed by the list of side effects. They were worse than my symptoms! I decided to discard the pills and, equipped with a greater awareness of my situation, overcame my depression through non-medical means. The doctor’s diagnosis helped me to be kinder to myself and more patient in my approach to adapting to life in Madagascar. I didn’t get a possible quick-win from taking the pills, but I didn’t get the nasty side-effects either. And, crucially, I addressed the root causes of my depression.

Many challenges we face are both technical and adaptive in nature, as Ronald Heifetz notes in his work on leadership. Technical challenges have known solutions and can be solved by the knowledge of experts, whereas the solutions to adaptive challenges are initially unknown. Challenges that are purely technical, for example, might involve taking a course of medication, whereas challenges that are adaptive in nature require us to change our attitudes, behaviours, habits etc. It’s tempting to apply purely technical solutions to problems that are adaptive in nature. Changing ourselves is a challenge in itself and doesn’t often deliver quick wins. But it’s folly to think that all of our problems can be solved by technical solutions that require no meaningful change on our part.

Our own well-being is our first stewardship, not our doctor’s. It requires self-care through effective self-governance.

“One of the weaknesses of the Western medical approach is that we have made the physician the only authority, with the patient too often a mere recipient of the treatment or cure. People are deprived of the opportunity to become truly responsible.” – Gabor Maté (When the Body Says No)

Even “Barbarians” Practice Self-Care

I used to think that my body should just work. If I wanted to go into overdrive on poor sleep and poor diet then I expected it to deliver. Always. The results weren’t good. Burnout came sooner or later. But it always came. It’s a cycle that I’m glad to have ended. Through personal study I’ve learned how illnesses and health problems can be prevented through effective self-care. My wife, a practicing acupuncturist, has been a significant influence and support in helping me to make the change and break the burnout cycle.

But it isn’t just healthcare practitioners who advocate for and practice self-care. Some of the meanest men in business do, too. Activist investors, such as Dan Loeb, regularly practice yoga, as noted by Owen Walker in his book Barbarians in the Boardroom: Activist Investors and the Battle for Control of the World’s Most Powerful Companies.

This ostensible paradox isn’t much of a paradox at all. If you want to take control of the world’s most powerful companies then you have to be in a fit state to do so.

“I don’t know if they think I’m made of iron or stone. The truth is, they need to see that I am mortal, like everyone else.” – Philip II, King of Spain (29 November 1578, Biblioteca Zabálburu, Madrid)

Put on Your Own Mask First

Whether we want to develop our relationships with others through love and service, make our best contributions to the world, or take control of the world’s most powerful companies, it’s clear that we need our well-being to meet the task. Selflessness in making a meaningful contribution doesn’t mean self-neglect.

As the saying goes, one cannot draw from an empty well.

Be honest with yourself: are you giving yourself the care and love you need to be your best self?

Stop feeling guilty for giving serious attention to your own well-being.

Put on your own mask first. No one else will do it for you.

Sooner or later, those who are in need of your contribution will be glad you did.