Don't Let Your Ego Ruin Your Message.
About three years ago I was en route to Detroit for the company’s global conference. I’d been asked to give a presentation to colleagues in international Sales and Marketing on my approach to helping end-users and customers get value from our newest research platform. I was pleased with the work I was doing. I was connecting with significant groups of end-users like never before, who were “wowed” by how the new technology could help them to do their research. This wow-factor was being recognised by customers and led to a notable increase in sales.
For the most part, I had my presentation down. I could clearly explain, chapter and verse, how I was clarifying the new platform’s value and how other colleagues could do the same. But there was a niggle during my preparation: the introduction. How was I going to introduce my presentation without sounding like I was descending from Mount Sinai with tablets of stone? I wanted to put my best foot forward, but I also didn’t want to let my ego get in the way and alienate my audience.
My niggle was resolved in the shuttle from the airport to the hotel. My driver was a knowledgable, gregarious man called Doug. Doug asked me what had brought me across the pond, so I told him about the company conference and the presentation that I’d been asked to give. Without any prior knowledge of my question, Doug gave me the answer I’d been looking for. And it was simple.
He told me it was important that I went into the presentation with the following mindset and approach: “This is what I’d like to share from what I’ve learned.” Giving the presentation as a learner rather than a lecturer would ensure that I didn’t lose my audience. Not only did Doug’s simple advice answer my question about how to craft the introduction, but it also helped me to get the tone right for the rest of the presentation. Having given his advice, Doug then told me that he had enjoyed a long and successful career in Sales and only had the driving job to keep him busy and enable him to meet new people during retirement. It had been my lucky day!
From the feedback I received after my presentation, I was satisfied that it had achieved its intended purposes. This wouldn’t have been so if I’d let my ego get in the way and adopted the wrong tone, however.
How is it, then, that ego can spoil a message?
Ego in Parody and Reality
An obvious and crass example of an ego-spoiled message is found in the film Anchorman. While in pursuit of an attractive woman, Will Ferrell’s character, Ron Burgundy, decides to give it the big one in order to win her admiration, opening conversation with, “I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.” He then continues with the line, “I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” As amusing and ineffectual as this approach is, however, as a parody it’s based on an element of truth. And the element of truth is part and parcel of what makes it funny.
How many times have we seen a presentation, read an email or had a conversation in which the message “I’m kind of a big deal” has been inferred? How many times have we inferred this ourselves through talk of former glories, material possessions or proximity to power and prestige? It can be easily done. Society often rewards those who are perceived to be important and successful.
How might inferences that sound like “I’m a big deal” affect the message we’re presenting, though? And how might they affect our relationship with the audience? Of course, there are several variables at play in answering these questions, but consider how the manner of these inferences might affect things.
“When you see things upside down, the ego can be extraordinarily funny; it’s absurd. But it’s tragic at the same time.” – Alejandro González Iñárritu
Self-Confidence Without Superciliousness
None of this is to say that it’s wrong to speak of your achievements and successes for fear of coming across as a braggart. The question is, what is your intention in doing so? Is it to lift yourself up at the expense of others or is it to inspire and lift others? At the beginning of his political career, former US President Franklin D. Roosevelt (FDR) put several of his contemporaries’ backs up as he sought to get ahead. He was described by one (who was known to be kind) as “an awful arrogant fellow.” Yet as one of his biographers, Jean Edward Smith, put it, when the time came for him to lead the country through some excruciatingly difficult challenges, “America’s confidence in FDR depended on Roosevelt’s incredible confidence in himself”. When the purpose of our actions is to lift others then we’re much less likely to alienate them through ego.
Self-confidence and self-belief are essential traits of good leaders, especially in times of uncertainty, change and danger. If leaders aren’t confident in themselves then it’s unlikely that others will trust them, let alone their leadership. Arrogance and superciliousness needn’t be part of the package, however. A message imbued with self-belief, for the inspiration of others, doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t, be tainted by ego.
“To be clear, self-trust is not ego, arrogance, or unwarranted bravado. It’s a quiet inner confidence that reflects our awareness of the most important kind of prosperity we will ever have – a high balance in our own personal trust account.” – Stephen M. R. Covey inSmart Trust
Ego-Proofing Your Message
Self-deprecation can be tactfully inserted into a message (presentation, email etc.) to guard against the appearance of arrogance. This can put an audience at ease and give assurances that you don’t view yourself as superior to them, though it isn’t an essential component of an ego-free message. In order to ego-proof your message, I recommend undertaking the following assessments and introspections while in the process of crafting it.
Ask yourself: Why am I sharing this message? What is my intention in doing so?Checking our intentions, and intended outcomes, beforehand is a good way to ensure that our behaviour and execution is fit for purpose. This type of introspection helps us to develop and apply self-awareness, which will diminish the chances of ego slipping in.
Check your message for anything that could reasonably be construed as vaunting or condescending. This is where both self-awareness and empathy come into play. As the old adage goes, know your audience! How will your message sound to your audience? Taking time to consider this will help you to ensure that their needs are at the centre of your message and not your ego.
Consider: If I’m excusing anything that could be construed as vaunting or condescending, is it really necessary? What would I lose if I took it out? This is about assessing the value of bulling yourself up or putting others down. Is it really worth it in the longterm?
Crafting Your Message as a Fellow Learner
Getting the tone of a message right, in whatever form, is an art. And there will always be alternative ideas and suggestions for improvement. In most cases, though, if you want your message to have its desired effect then it’s a good idea to make sure that your ego is kept well away from it. As a rule of thumb, think of Doug’s advice and craft your message as a fellow learner. A genuine commitment to continuous personal improvement offers little room for ego.